Not Feeling Better/Boy Do I Have A Headache

So many things have happened in the last couple of years. Aw Hell, if you look at it from my point of view it is six years. In that time I made friends on dA and Facebook. Both the accounts were created to help Mom and I. Deviant art was given to me by phluph. He has been a Deviant for years and knew I had to meet more people. I created the Facebook account for Mom. That way she could keep up with family that was out of town. I would like everyone to know that both did more for me than I could ever expect.

I made real and true friends on both pages. If it were not for devianArt I would never have accepted a friend request from someone I did not know on Facebook. Those are the people have cared about and for me since Mom's death. It is a slow comeback but I am coming back.

Over the last couple of years my health has not been the best. First it was a low white blood cell count. I do not know when they went back to normal because I have never gotten my energy back. Last Summer I was told by my Nurse Practitioner told me I was low on Vitamin D. So throughout the entire Summer I was taking Vitamin D just like I was told. In October I was put on 50,000 units of this vitamin. I was also supposed to start getting Vitamin B12 shots once a week to begin with and then once a month. That was caught by the real Doctor. I knew he was always looking over her notes.

I had also been losing faith in the nurse practitioner and trying to switch back to my Doctor. Why was I losing faith? She told me once that if she seemed distracted, I was supposed to tell her. I told her back that after four years of people ignoring me, I shut down period. Obviously she was distracted on that day because things did not get better. I was trying to get back to my Doctor earlier. It was his vacation time and the Holiday Season. One of the things I did not understand was why I was on Vitamin D every other month. She told me that my levels had to be checked before getting more. Then on my next appointment she would ask about the vitamin and I would tell it was not prescribed. She would be shocked and I would be back on the Vitamin D. This created havoc with my stomach.

​I could only get appointments a month and a half away from my last appointment with my real Doctor. I need for medication reasons to have to see them on a monthly basis. I knew eventually I would be seeing him. Slow and steady wins the race. It does not help my health very much, but I knew I would be seeing him soon.

So on my last visit I was frustrated and angry to feel hardly any better in two years. The nurse practitioner told me I was being hostile towards her. Yep because it was all about her. So I asked questions in a terse manner. Things like, "Why did it take so long to get me on the higher dosage of Vitamin​D? & Why am I not getting my energy back?" Her response was to tell me she did not like the way I was treating her. She also said she was going to send me back to the real Doctor. Isn't that what you want to hear from your healer? The person who holds your health in their hands, tells you that you are hostile and that they basically do not want to see you anymore. I did it as the equivalent of, "It's my ball and I don't want to play with you anymore."

I was trying to explain my frustrations with her. I even said her demeanor had changed towards me. Her reply was telling me, "That's cute, no it hasn't." In all this talking about my health she informed me she had to check on another patient. She had no idea we were going to be doing so much chit chatting. When she walked out of the room, fire almost flew out me. I am taking about my HEALTH! I am not chit chatting. When she returned I told her so and she tried to back pedal. Then in one of her moments of frustration she said, "You know I don't have time to talk to you every time you come in." I thought that was the reason she came into the room. I thought that was our time to talk. Though she might not have asked a lot of questions, I constantly told her what I was doing and how I was feeling.

Unfortunately I found out that she did not take my problem seriously. How did I find this out? She told me. She basically​told me it was because of what I can do. I get out of bed every day, get dressed and do other things, I was not doing bad. Her other patients seemed worse to her. Every time I told her about what I did I would phrase it accordingly. I struggle to get out of bed every day. I push myself to get dressed, even if no one is coming over. I struggle to help my friend's and watch their kids when needed. After I do any of this I am tired. It all depends on how much I have expended myself as to how tired I will be. What I found out she heard. I get up and dressed every day. I garden and help my friend's and their kids. I am tired.

After all this chit chatting she realized she did something wrong. I know this because when she gave me a hug, she said it could be CFS. Now that does not help me anymore than all those tests to find out my vitamins are low. I now have monthly refills on the D. I also saw my real Doctor last month I was going to tell him about my experience but did not have the time. You see the sinus headache I was suffering from was actually tension. It was on St. Patrick's day and the fourth day of my headache. I was told to get my medicine and go home and to bed. I told him "No, not on this day!" He understood and tried his best to relieve my pain. I did leave the note for him that I had written after my last appointment. I hope he understands that I need to see him. I am just tired of being tired. I would like to have a job or be able to do something and not worry about the next day.

Do not get me wrong. I am still a happy person. I like bringing joy to others. I think that is why some people do not take me seriously about feeling poorly. I am also sorry to those who have to listen to me complain at times. I give candy to the people who work at the Doctor's office. They love seeing me come in. They know that I will always leave them with a laugh as well. Though this entry might not seem that joyful, it really is because I am back. I am back and I thank every Deviant for sticking with me.