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On Jan. 27th my friend called. Her daughter who was going to mandatory Rehabilitation. Unfortunately the only person who could drive her was her crazy boyfriend. Now remember she is 31 and he is 27. Do you really have to be told not to visit anyone because there are warrants out for you? Well my friend told that guy to stay away from family. Of course no one listened. Well maybe the 2 year old, but she is really smart. So he obviously was not going to make it home in time to take care of the other kids.

Me? I am still not well and going through tests. I lose energy so fast and can be down for days. So it was not until the 7th time it was mentioned, I said I would help. phluph was kind enough to drive me. I said I could only stay one day. I also was going to make some kind of chicken for dinner.

Imagine my surprise to find the oldest (12) had gotten the flu plus cold. I decided to break up my stock to make him soup and made pulled chicken and gravy with veggies for the rest. To say that this was going to be a long night was an understatement.

I will leave out some of the icky details, but I did try my best. I had brought over Zombieland and thought it would be fun to watch. Imagine my surprise when the 9 year old started giving the jokes away. Grams would have sent him to his room. I paused and told him to cut it out. I was not spoiling the movie and I had seen it before.

Because I did not want to hear the fighting about taking their 90 pound puppy out, I took care of him. I went out one time and told the kids to please sit on the couch. I was tired and really was not up to disciplining. When I got outside I could hear them screaming. I ran into the house and let them giggle. These kids are yelled at constantly by their mother. The one going to Rehab. Then they are waving to me out the window while I take care of the dog.

Finally the night is over. The 12 year old informs me he will get the kids up for school. I told him to rest but he thinks he outranks me, so he was going to get them up. I send the others off with hugs and kisses and try to relax for the night.

I got up a few times to check on them and all was well for the rest of the night. I did not sleep well, but I probably got a couple hours. You know 6:00 in the morning comes really early. They boy got up and told me he was going back to bed. Meaning that if I had not gotten up the 8 and 9 year olds would get ready for school by themselves. This is how the mom conditioned them. She never in the year she was there got up with these kids.

Now I know that I do not have a microwave, but I know that you are supposed to put things on a plate. Sometimes I heard you cover it for splatter. These kids were using a brand new microwave. They just put the food inside, with nothing underneath. I corrected them, then not to send them off cranky I sang some songs.

By the time I made it back to bed, the boy was still coughing. So being a good Aunt I gave him cough medicine and told him he should not have gotten up. That is why I am the adult, to take care of these things. Instead of relying on a little boy.

Later he got up and microwaved the same thing his siblings did. He put it on a plate after. But now Grams is home and she has very little pity. So the boy left his food. I put the plate in the oven so the dog would not eat. What we did not know was the dog already ate the top muffin. So being sick he was mad at the adults and kicked the dog. Later I got him to eat my chicken soup. He said it was delicious.

A couple hours later I got a text from their mom criticizing me. Telling me about my house ain't clean and she is cleaning her closets out now. I had to quit picking on her sick son. The one she cannot take care of because he is sick and so is she obviously. She also wrote she's growing up now and not waiting 40 years like I did.

I wrote her back about the soup and how I was up with him. That I cancelled my plans to help. Also the 30th of Jan. was my Dad's birthday and I did not want to hear her crap. It was also mentioned we were talking behind her back about the two of them. I was not doing that, I just agreed with their stupidity. That is what happens when you listen to a sick 12 year old who feels picked on. I ended the text with leave me the Hell alone and she's welcome that I was available. Last sentence, Do not text me again. Then I blocked her.

Forty years ago I was 16 and more mature than this person. I have not told you the stories about her kids coming up to me to say, "You know mom hates you." Yeah I know the texts she wrote me were usually pure evil. Plus yelling at me, "Come on bitch, I will kick your ass," was a good clue.

I finally got home and crumbled. I just wanted to be alone on this day. Then again when you give yourself the nickname Princess, I guess you star to believe. My friend does have help for right now. People are getting up with the kids and feeding them. The yelling is almost gone. I hope this works out well for my friend.

After Princess gets out of rehab, we will find out where she's going to live. I am pretty sure it will not be back to her other kids. She has 2 more so I wish them the best. As for me, I am still waiting for help in cleaning out my house.
  • Listening to: Lily Allen
  • Watching: Easy A
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Suckers
  • Drinking: Coke
So many strange and interesting things have happened to me since my Mom's death. I thought one of the blessings would be connecting with my best friend since 9th grade. I really should have known better than that, nothing ever goes right it seems. Especially when it comes to me and my friend. Like I keep telling people,. "If being a friend were easy, everyone would have one.

While I was at my friend's house, I took over the cooking. I may have forgotten to mention that her mother lived with her at the time. Her mother never knew how to cook. The kids were supposed to do the dishes. I was still wiping myself out but I also wanted to help.

So I thought I would help my friend any way possible. That also meant becoming more of an Aunt at times. I really did not want to yell at the kids but they do not listen. Then I found out at least two of them are thieves. Upon my first trip, I found my candy wrappers on the floor. The problem was I did not eat any. There were at least five grandchildren there and I did not bring enough to share. When I informed my friend she was not surprised. Then she filled me in on some of there past. I felt sorry for what they had gone through, but my friend had been taking care of them for four years. They were not stealing because they were or are hungry. No they do it because they feel entitled.

One boy age eight still wets his bed at night. Now I understand that kids have troubles and am not putting them down. This boy hides the pull ups in his room. We had to remove the carpet from his room because of the stench. He is also the major thief and constant in creating problems.

My friend and I stood at the end of her driveway using a hacksaw to cut the carpet up. My Dr. told me it couldn't be done. I said it already was. And still the kids are going through my luggage, because my back is turned. I found this out because my locked pouch was unlocked. I accidentally left the combination on and the kids did not know how to close the pouch. I did not mention this to my friend. It was my medical marijuana and none was taken. I was really starting to feel violated however but promised to return.

On my second visit the daughter who lived in my friend's other house had left town. Leaving my friend to take care of the adopted children and having to explain their mom's behavior. My blood count was still low and my friend's house has lots of steps. No matter where I put my things, the kids find it and take what they think I won't notice. So the second trip there were three obstinate little kids. One pouts over everything, another steals and breaks things and the oldest never listens.

In August I went for my third visit. Still no mom for the oldest three. She has two more and they have become a little family. Everytime she would call the kids would spiral. I don't know if that is why the thief tried to burn down the Pole Barn. When he did it at least two other daughters were visiting. If not my friend would have awoken to the Barn exploding.

Now people started calling me a glutton for punishment. I would go to her house and be down for a week. I just knew we needed each other and never have we turned our back when in need. My friend was dropping me off after my visit and we decided to drop by the other house. The doorknob was off and the place completely unlocked. Her three tiered gardens had gone to hell. The daughter did nothing to improve the house. The one her Mom kept so she would have a place to call home.

The other problem with these kids is they won't talk. They will sit by my side and pout but not tell me what is wrong. If you send them to their room they stomp off and slam the door. Then they open the door to eavesdrop. I cannot make one call by myself. Even if I go to another room, they sneak into another room and pretend like they are reading. Then they are quiet, it is the only time they are quiet. And yet I still go back.
  • Listening to: The Harmonica
  • Watching: Harvey
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Spaetzle
  • Drinking: Coke
So five days after the Memorial for Mom, which I really wanted to be a Wake but... My friend who I had not seen in 4 years came to get me. I was on my way to new adventure.

On the first day I met 8 of her grandchildren. She had adopted 3 of them since the last time I saw her. She was also in a new house. Her daughter the mother of the 3 was living in the old house. You would think this would be a happy occasion, right. My best friend for 40 years and I finally get together. My Mom died February 10th and her Dad 15 days later. We really needed each other.

So the idea was to see a 9th grandchild's dance recital. I told her I was too tired to go. Darn those white blood cell counts. Well it is a good thing I didn't leave. The selfish daughter did not tell anyone that she was going to a concert with the dad of the other 2 girls. She was actually mad that we had other plans. Mine wasn't to watch 5 kids. Babysitters get paid and I had given her money before I found out what was to come.

My friend has 3 girls who all call me Aunt. Pie (nickname) is my favorite. Banana (nickname) is a close 2nd. Princess picked her own nickname and I'll leave it at that.

So Princess tells me she deserves the concert because she hasn't been anywhere since before she got pregnant. Not once did she consider her Mother and I not seeing each other for 4years. Me really not having a whole day off while taking care of my Mom. Nope it was all about her. She told her Mom that April was coming over to babysit. I knew it was a lie, but held out hope.

Pie's oldest son (11) helped me change a crappy diaper. We are now friends until he turns 13. Anyway my friend went to the recital and I was watching the kids when Pie came to get her 3. I would not let her go, except to get us some alcohol. She spent the night and when the babies started to cry? Well my smart Pie drove them home to Mommy. Yep the sitter never showed up and Princess went home.

I heard that the recital was fun. My friend was mad that her daughter screwed things up for our night. We still had fun. There was just no time for us. That will be a running theme in visiting my friend. Hey if being a friend was easy everyone would have one.

Back to the most adorable kids in the world. Pie has 2 boys and 1 girl. I did not know that having them attack you was a good thing. Upon meeting me Pie's husband could not believe his daughter was running into my arms for squeezes or hitting me on the butt. His son took to me the same way, throwing his blanket at me. I told him, "Little kids, dogs, horses and cats love me. It's when they get older the magic wears off."

I did have fun no matter what was thrown our way. I also started to visit every month. Some have called me a glutton for punishment. Read my next entry and make up your own mind.
  • Listening to: The Harmonica
  • Watching: Harvey
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Spaetzle
  • Drinking: Coke
Okay everyone let's have a little fun.

phluph (TFG) & I spent Christmas and New Year in New Orleans. We had a great time, but that's not what I am writing about today.

Since I have been gone, I haven't written very much and I promised Mom I would write a book about Us. Then a friend suggested she would like a book of Poems and we cannot forget Sarah and Albie. My little fantasy about twin sisters.

So here are some amusing things or stories that have happened to me in my life. They are in no particular order, for that would be too hard on my brain.

When I was younger, I traveled the back roads to nowhere fast. Unfortunately those back roads usually led to gas station bathrooms. Yes I am old for there were no Fast Food places in these areas. Do not get me wrong there are still places without gas stations today, but in those days I had internal GPS. Anyway if you have ever used gas station bathrooms, you know how elegant they can be.

So when I was finally 21, I decided to use bar bathrooms instead. The difference? They were both as fancy, but I could get an beer at the bar. Thus the beginning of knowing my State by Bars, Inns, Pubs and Clubs.

phluph was a person who was by my side a lot. As a matter of fact, one day I was trying to call home. This was in the day of pay phones and this day the line was always busy. So before I would feed the money in I would ask where we were. This was one time neither of us could remember. So the Bartender answered every time. I cannot remember how many times I asked. I can tell you when the phone rang and I asked my question, the whole bar answered.

Yes Mom and Dad were mad I wasn't home for dinner. I remember that. What I still do not recall is the name of the Town. All I do remember is that we had fun that day. It was a trip to nowhere, so I could use the bathroom.

Then there was the time I impressed Granny. I was told to call her that, we were not related. The first time we met, I told her about my bar hopping. I told her that I knew quite a few. The only thing she had to do was tell me where she lived. I would tell her of a nearby bar. She named three places that were really spread out. I named three bars. This impressed Granny so much that every time I visited and she was there we would drink Peach Schnapps. I hate Peach Schnapps but if Granny was watching, I would drink. If she turned her head I would throw it over my shoulder. Yes we were outside.

I hope you enjoyed a couple of stories. I will be writing more about everything!
  • Listening to: Kacey Musgrave
  • Reading: Last Mental Floss
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Noodles
  • Drinking: Pepsi
I was having a Mass and Memorial Luncheon for Mom on June 13th. I was still waiting for my dentures. The problem was getting my lower teeth to match. I went to several fittings obviously. The teeth never matched up and now we are getting close to the Memorial. I really wanted to eat something without shredding it first. So on June 9th my dentures fit properly. With more teeth than I have ever had my entire life. The teeth that were pulled were sent to a Dental College. That is how strange my teeth were.

I guess I should mention on June 8th my ex brother called me (another story for another day), I had asked f help for the Memorial. I knew I had money. I called him in case I needed extra that day. I was a little frazzled. No one helped me plan anything. I did the whole thing by myself. So if I was a little off I thought it would be good to have back up. When I asked he said "No problem, I bet I look better to you now." Then that Monday he called "I can't help you." Why couldn't he help? His wife was still mad at me.

So he told me to cancel the Memorial the week it was happening. Not because of Mom but because of me. So with a stiff back and my pride in tact, I went through with everything. Everyone showed up, even my cousin from Atlanta. It was a beautiful Mass, so I am told. I couldn't even remember the Readings that I picked out.

I held the Luncheon at Mama Mia's Restaurant because anything else would be too big. The meal and especially the bread sticks were delicious. My brother not only showed up with his wife but also her mother. They did not sit with me at the Mass or Luncheon. That did not stop her from giving me a hug. It was at the same time the bill came. What am I stupid? I covered the bill so she would not know.

I had to take some leftovers for people who could not make the occasion. One went to my Aunt who was in the hospital. She loved it and that made me very happy. My cousins went above and beyond what my own brothers' could not do, they backed me up. It was above and beyond what my own family had never done.

Mom would have been proud of me and my new mouthful of teeth. Honestly I still have my sense of humor. I am not bitter, I am disappointed. I have missed my deviant family, I just had a hard time coming back. I became a deviant because of Mom and had too many memories. Now I am back to create new ones and cherish old ones.
  • Listening to: Kacey Musgrave
  • Reading: Last Mental Floss
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Noodles
  • Drinking: Pepsi
Right after mom died, I was put on bed rest for 4 months. My white blood cell count was at 3. I had absolutely no energy whatsoever, but I kept my one promise that I would go on a little vacation after mom passed away.

This is where my adventure begins. On Friday the 13th Rick and I took off for a casino. We stopped at a nearby one for one night and on Valentine's Day took off for another one. On our journey we had hit some white outs. Then at one point all seem clear. I roll my window down and was taking pictures of the snow scenery. As he travelled ever so gently down the expressway because of the snow. When suddenly I looked up and I noticed another white out. As I pulled my arm back into the car, I notice the vehicle in front of us start to swerve.

I did not even have time to roll up my window comma before someone ran into us. The next thing I knew I was staring at the trailer of a semi truck. It was so close that had I not pulled my arm and when I did something bad would have happened. As it was I got a picture of just about everything even the airbags going off. Butt I was trapped in a car less than 4 inches away from that back end of the semi truck. I could not get out. the police wanted me to stay in the vehicle, so for about 2 hours that's what I did.

By the time the tow truck came to get us, I was a little claustrophobic. We were dropped off at a Waffle House. That Waffle House was closed, they we're doing some kind of renovation. We were lucky enough to run into a man who happen to just be leaving. We were also lucky enough for this man to know a waitress whose husband would drive us to the hotel by the casino. The trip that normally takes 15 minutes took over 2 hours. Obviously we are already gambled enough for one day, so we stayed in our room.

The next day two very nice people gave us a ride to the casino. It was not exactly the vacation I had planned. but I knew Mom and Dad were looking out for me that day.
  • Listening to: Brandy Clark
  • Reading: Not yet
  • Watching: Some kind of Christmas Movie
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Tacos
  • Drinking: Pepsi
I am writing to you on my tablet. It won't let me send notes, so I am writing to you now.

I have missed dA immensely. The downside was my account was created while I was taking care of Mom. After she died it was time for me to take care of me. I started out with bed rest right after Mom's death. It was a really low white blood cell count. Now it's a vitamin deficiency. I just want to quit being tired.

My tablet won't let me write notes so Ladycompassion was one of the first people I tried to contact. It didn't work. I miss you Sarah.

To my other friends, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I have some stories to tell when I am up to doing so. Some are pretty funny, while others will break your heart. It has been a very interesting couple of years. Thank you for staying with me.

Love as always,
  • Listening to: Brandy Clark
  • Reading: Not yet
  • Watching: Some kind of Christmas Movie
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Tacos
  • Drinking: Pepsi
We all know how much I loved that woman but she decided it was time to leave this earth on the 10th of this month. I am sorry for not writing sooner but this is hard enough. She went peacefully in her sleep, it is what she was praying for.

I found out  because she had the money in her account to get my dentures that I get to pay for the Funeral and all bills until the account is depleted. I am a co executor of the will, because my brother works this means I will be doing everything by myself. That part does not surprise me.

For those of you that knew mom and I we had an idea that after she died, I would go to my favorite Casino. On Valentine's Day my friend and I were in a two mile pile up. It was white out conditions and we clipped the back of a Semi Truck. I was trapped along side of the thing for two hours. I had just taken my hand inside the car because I was taking pictures. I literally have pictures of the accident in progress, first vacation in four years at the time I thought it was a good idea.

We wound up at a Waffle House that was closed, but someone was inside cleaning. He found my friend and I a ride to the Hotel. The next day two lovely people took us to the Casino. I know mom was looking out for me because one of her best friends was named Regina. That was the name of the lady whose husband Mike was getting the car. I know it was not a coincidence. We lost money but had a good time.

I was promised that I would never have to drive through a white out condition again. So on the way home when we ran across our first one, I went into a panic attack. I told my friend to pull over. He said the next exit that the roads were not bad. What he did not understand was I was putting my lower teeth into my upper gums and my nails into my hand. So he lied to me, he thought I did not want to come home to an empty house. He had no idea that being next to a Semi Truck for 2 hours took a little more out of me than I expected. So I put new open wounds in my upper gums that are still raw right now. NO he did not understand my panic at all, we made it home safely but I could not sleep.

Now I am  back to being depressed about my mom and the lack of anything from friends who live by me. No one has called me from my Church or to see if they could bring me anything. I am sure they wrote something on Fb but I told them I am not checking pages out. So I am now an Orphan that if I do not call people they do not call me.

The original DR. that was suppose to take care of mom was fired in Nov. that made five months no one saw mom. His last words "Dolores your blood work came back great, 6 more months to live. That was on Oct 24th 2014, the same day he wrote her prescription for 2013. I would like those deviant friends of mine that like me to write to these people and ask "How or Why?" this could have happened to such a loving woman and her caring daughter. Please only serious people write notes for me, I know some of you are going to be really pissed this has happened to me and I want your support. I will also let those who do not know my real name, have it as well. Though it was kind of funny when I was asked if I had any nicknames and I said "You can call me Alice if you want." The looks were priceless, that is so not even close to my real name.

I will try to keep you informed. I really feel like I have fallen down a rabbit whole only to find a mirror. Curiouser and curiouser, I better cut it out my Alice is showing more than my Dygyt.
  • Listening to: Bang Bang
  • Playing: Island Experiment

As of today I will be Checking in Sporadically

Thank you so much to all my friends who sent me a birthday wish. You people made it one of the best deviant birthdays I have ever had. I would write more but something more important has happened. 

My Mother is in the hospital right now. When she comes home she will be in homed Hospice. Yes I know it happened suddenly do to the fact that the Dr. I fired in Oct. had no idea she was even close to having to be Hospice. In between firing him two months went by where she saw no Dr. from this Awful Awful place that I thought would help my mom. 

When taken to Emergency the first thing her Dr. said to me was he is putting her in Hospice. Then I had to explain that she did not really have a Dr. I am fortunate that I mentioned this to my Dr. on my last visit and he was going to evaluate her after the end of the year. He was nice enough to admit her under his care. 

Upon meeting her new Dr. today he could not believe what this other Dr. had done to my mother. I told him that the other guy was more concerned about my housekeeping and new cement than my mom. I do not think I will have a problem getting a note from either Dr. for my complaint over Mom's treatment. I will keep you updated as much as possible, just because it sounds like such an interesting story. Thank you my friends you gave me the best birthday I could have asked for now I am asking for your prayers and thoughts as well. I don't care what you believe in just send anything good my way.

  • Listening to: John Cale
  • Reading: Shutter Island
  • Playing: Island Experiment
Story of Life

I have become so depressed over these last couple of months. I know it is my own fault for not writing as much to my friends, but when you are having people pour cement, taking care of mom and getting teeth pulled I have not been here for my friends as well. So I am sorry to all those who have helped me through so many months for thinking I was ignoring you. Life just got in the way. Unfortunately so did my depression, with no one writing me and no one to talk to while I was down the depression just became worse.

Mom is not even getting up until almost four to six in the afternoon/evening. I try to keep the house up but after you have had a tooth pulled my most important person is still mom. So I have to use a belt to get her up which puts pressure on my face, then we get her stable and off to bed. This is my life since last August. 

I have no one to talk to because they of course work days. I am not the best housekeeper but I do some dishes every day along with cooking for my mom. Laundry does not do itself and I am waiting for someone to comment on how dirty my kitchen floor is. I really am trying my best to keep the house presentable but like I said mom is more important than a dirty dish or vacuuming. Unfortunately that leaves me all by myself. When I was sick I did not feel like writing any stories, it hurts the face after having a tooth pulled and this Wednesday I am having three pulled. So you can only imagine how much help I am expecting from my family.

So if you do not hear from me, it is not because I do not care, it is because it is depressing to write people and not get a note or reply back. So I will not be checking in every day to see if someone has answered my notes. I cannot take the loneliness, I have only myself to blame for I am the one who was writing and keeping in touch with these people and when I got sick I could no longer do so. Now no one writes and I just cannot take it anymore. It is lonely when you have no one to talk to and no one answers your notes. 

Thank you everyone for all your help. You have gotten me through a lot of bad days, like I said I blame myself for setting myself up for this fall. I also thank all my friends for all there love and notes. It is just a bad time for me right now and I don't know how to explain it very well. I have always had something to do or read but in taking care of mom I have given up so much of myself that I did not realize until I had to slow down just how alone I am. I am sure that this will pass and I will be back to my normal self soon. Until then don't be upset if I don't get back to you right away I am no longer checking in every day. It is just to sad and depressing for me right now.

Maybe after I get these next three teeth pulled on Wednesday I will start feeling like my old self again. Let's hope that they have healed enough by Christmas so I can eat my Birthday Cake. Once again I DO thank you for all the time you have spent talking to me and keeping my morale up, I could not have made it without my friends on deviantART these last two years if not for you people. Do not think I am not grateful for all your support and time, I am and will never forget anyone's kindness. I will also make sure to keep up on the Secret Santa for my very good friend, I won't let you down. I will also be writing a AWW Journal now that I am a Gangsta of Love, another group that I will not let down. I am sure I will talk to some of you before Christmas and the Holidays, I am not going away I am just not going to be checking in every day or two. That is all really, I will try to keep in touch when I have the time.

  • Listening to: The Band Perry
  • Reading: Shutter Island
  • Watching: HELP
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: A Roll and Nordic Butter
  • Drinking: Pepsi
Oops I Tried to Kill Myself

A few weeks back I had tried to rip out a front tooth. Now because I do not have any back molars all my chewing is done in front. My friend always thought it cute that I looked like a Chipmunk eating. There are only so many times you can hear that from someone who has all their teeth before you quit laughing. I quit laughing years ago.

In 2010 I was diagnosed with Diverticulitis. No one thought it was very serious at first even though I was missing a lot of work. Of course it did not help that I started in January and they did not find out until June that I had this disease. Every time I would go to the Dr.s I would get my prescription and some dry roasted peanuts for me and cashews for mom. Then I would be down for another week. It got to the point that one Dr. put me on medications and I was informed if they did not work I would be having three feet of colon removed and then get a colostomy bag. Yeah! The drugs worked and I have been trying to be careful ever since but anything can trigger an attack.

Back to what happened. With my front tooth not in use I was not taking my medications like I should because I made the mistake of picking up the chewable kind. I was not feeling well having an abscessed tooth so I was only drinking chocolate milk. I have not been drinking milk in years but a few months ago started again because I was losing more weight. Well as I say stupidity doesn't run in my family but it walks real fast at times. It never occurred to me that the milk would trigger an attack. It crept up on me slowly only to take me down on Halloween.

I was sitting back waiting for the food to be delivered. I had not been feeling good that day and then the chills hit me and I knew what was happening. I fed mom and went to bed around six. I got mom up and into bed around eleven. I stayed in bed almost all day Sat. My brother never called on either one of these days to say he was coming over on Sunday and I was too sick to call. So on Sunday he called and I told him I needed him to come over so I could get some rest. He was here for a hour and a half, he got mom something to eat and then told me his wife had to go to the Mall and he had to take care of my friends Bird. That made me feel special, the bird over helping me out.

No one called all week long and I was getting up around nine o'clock because on Oct. 27th I had cement ripped out along with my driveway. Guess what? The cement people did not show up either. Checking on mom from that time of the morning until she got up at either four or six this week was very tiresome so I would lie down in the Hallway for rest. When mom did get up I would have to sit or lie down until she needed me. When I would ask her if she wanted me to call anyone she would say sadly "No, I think they should be calling us and seeing what they can do to help." Like I keep saying she is not stupid, she forgets things easily but not people who never show up. These are the people and family she knows she helped when she was well only to have them turn their backs on her. Unless I mention the Hospital word then everyone has to come over and see her. That was last July, the only niece to visit since then came and got her birthday gift from me in August. Does that count as a visit? It does according to their mom. I was told by her that those girls have visited more often this year then what I have been saying.

So now I am going to make three separate appointments to have my teeth removed. I know it will cost more and I will be without upper teeth for longer. My friends who want to help live too far away and one is scheduled for surgery this month. So I cannot rely on them, it breaks their hearts that I live so far away from them that they cannot help me. So for now I guess I am doing better. I will try to go out and do some shopping, mom is not happy with me leaving her with my brother but I have to get out. Maybe it will make me feel a little better having some fresh air and listening to some music. My song for today is to Follow Your Arrow by Kacy Musgraves. If you don't know the song, it has a good message that has been getting me through this week.

Make lots of noise
and kiss lots of boys.
Or kiss lots of girls
if that's what you're into.
When the straight and narrow
gets a little too straight,
roll up a joint (or don't/Iwould).
And follow your arrow where ever
it Points.

I was hoping this would make more sense but I did the best I could with what I had to work with today.
  • Listening to: Kacey Musgraves
  • Reading: Shutter Island
  • Watching: Not Now
  • Playing: Not now
  • Eating: Not now
  • Drinking: Yep
A live and learn Story

Okay I just got back from the Dentist. I had to have a tooth removed that was next to my front right tooth. My Jack o' Lantern look is now complete. The tooth had been pulled and abscessed a week ago last Friday, on the next Saturday I was in Urgent Care with an Ice Pack being told that if my eye started to pop out to go to Emergency right away. I made it to the Dentist last week but was still on medications for the swelling and abscess. So today the tooth was removed. I kept it and have to tell people that when you do not have a lot of teeth they can get pretty ugly.

So I told the Dentist that I needed teeth and maybe that Santa would bring them for Christmas. Well they might not be here for Christmas but on Dec. 23rd the teeth will be pulled. I will be doing the best I can not to lose any more weight in between because taking care of mom is hard enough when I am full. I don't know how I am going to manage but this is something that really has to be done.

So I have already informed my Sister in Law and some friends about what is happening. I will be needing all the help I can get at this time to help get mom in and out of bed and other rooms. I am really counting on friends and family to help me out at this time. I will wait until all has healed before getting any Dentures, I have lived without teeth this long what will a couple of months hurt. The main thing is I will be able to eat using back teeth for the first time in my life.

Okay the pain is starting to get to me and I have to get mom up as gently as possible. We are also having leftover Chicken and Dumplings for dinner tonight. I will figure out what else I can gum to eat so I have food in the freezer when I have this procedure done. I know that I will receive help I just hope that there is no drama with it, after all it is my birthday and I won't be able to have my cake and eat it too. Then again if I whip it good I could make it into a smoothie.

I will write more later, right now I need to rest.
  • Listening to: Shakira
  • Reading: Shutter Island
  • Watching: Not Now
  • Playing: Not now
  • Eating: Not now
  • Drinking: Yep
The Walrus said to speak of many things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, of cabbages and Kings. Of why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.    But wait a sec the oysters cried before we have our chat, for some of us are out of breath and all of us are fat.  No problem said the Carpenter. They thanked him much for that.
Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland

Okay so I think it is time to chat. Nothing has really changed except that mom loves her new chair even if she has a hard time getting her butt back far enough. As long as I have her belt I can move her closer, it is a good thing I don't have a problem with my arm. But I have had enough of this crap. People controlling my life and not understanding that it takes at least three days to get mom ready for a visitor or me to go out. Even if it is her own son. If he does not call by Friday I cannot say to mom that he is coming over because he is just too forgetful and could be taking his daughter back to college that day. I refuse to call because he gets mad and I really do not need to hear it from him. So enough is enough, I want to fall back down that Rabbit Hole.

So I have been writing Poetry by hand, typing on the keyboard can keep mom awake at times. It can also get on her nerves with the constant tapping. She wants me to write a book after she dies and I told her I will but I am going back to my old favorite from High School. I want the Selectric to create my writings with, I want to xxxxx out things instead of backspace and fix. People just do not understand how good it can feel to xxxxx out words or mistakes. White out if necessary but that would be on final draft, going to my proofreader because more than one person has pointed out that my punctuation sucks. It is a good thing I have such a marvelous personality and vocabulary, that it actually comes across on the page because I know my timing is off.

The other thing is with going to a Catholic School and taking Business Courses in High School I did not care if I ever typed another : or ;. When you had done as many book reports as I have, from Roman Numerals to A-Z those suckers were in every one. Now I figure at least I capitalize and use pronouns properly that I am basically ahead of the crowd, but some deviants like the proper way of writing and I am trying a little harder. I know I still use run on sentences but if teachers do not correct me and enjoy what they are reading then I am doing okay.

So I got to the Festival and had a great time, for some reason I did not get enough Fairy Dust. Which is very hard to believe considering I am the only person in this house that wears it. Oh mom gets her fair share it is hard not to share the sparkles. You should see my front porch, Walt Disney would be proud. I never thought that something called Fairy Dust would stick around but I think I have years of coverage on my front porch and glider. No matter when the sun hit either they sparkle, which is really nice but I feel like I should tell people to check there shoes when they get home. Then I figure for how often people come over it will not kill them but make them stronger. Back to not having enough dust, my friends have a daughter and then there is a grandchild and of course my great niece. I bought nine bottles, I put the dust in a different bottle to get the free refill of dust. It is the hand blown bottles that cost the most money. Any way I bought so many different colors and then thought about my deviant friends and how they have visited me down that Rabbit Hole. I though about a Sunny person who mad me an Awesome Potion and I thought about my Sister with the long arms and loving daughter (another niece). These are the people who really would enjoy this little bottle of the finest glitter and they too would laugh when spilled. Because when you spill the stuff it is pretty and then it follows you wherever you go. Notice they never use Fairy Dust to sell vacuum cleaners. The other thing is that through the years you can see the levels of Fairy Dust versus regular dust. I guess that is when I decided that I wanted my world to sparkle and shine more even through the dust.

There is more out there in this big world and just because I don't have time to see it now does not mean I did not see my fare share before taking care of mom. I also know that I will sparkle and shine after I am done taking care of mom. I just wish that what ever happens in between people can finally see that mom and I are happy. It is people who make her promises and then break them that bother me. She is almost like a child in that way, you tell her you are going to call or visit and I hear her ask me every day if that is the day the person will call. Enough, I take out my new dragon puppet Mitch and we tell mom that no one is going to bother her today. Mitch will volunteer to go out and drag someone home for her but she says that is not a very good idea.

So mom and I still sing and I read to her all the time. From Dr. Seuss to Alfred Noyes, she loves to hear me read, unless my voice is getting on her nerves that day in which case she says "Would you mind shutting up for a while." In the most politest way of course, her sense of humour is remarkable and she loves so many things. One of the things she likes the most though is when we recite Lewis Carroll. Mom is still impressed that I can do most of the poem but her favorite part is always where I will start.

So as I pop the last piece of bread and butter into my mouth I want to thank you for reading the ramblings of Alice. In a land all of my own and anyone can visit, please leave a note in the bottle by jar. I mean door it happens to be ajar.
  • Listening to: Ariana Grande
  • Reading: Bubba and the Twelve Deadly Days
  • Watching: Sort of changing back and forth
  • Playing: Placinko
  • Eating: Lucky Charms (chocolate) Marshmallows
  • Drinking: Yep
Renaissance Festival

My friend was able to make one more time over to my house so I could go to the Festival. I found out when she got to my house that not only did she fall down and was wearing a cervical collar that her hands were going numb as well. That is not good when you need someone to tie you up. I know I wanted to breathe more but I still wanted to look good.

My friend arrived Friday night and my poor mom not only forgot her name at times she thought she was two different people. Phluph and Lori encouraged me to go and have fun. Me I was worried about my mom but realized I had to get over it or it would spoil my day. So I got dressed, it two skirts for layering and bodice tight enough for the ride, with belt and pouch on (weighed about ten pounds). I was more off than usual. We made it too the Fair and I went to take a picture only to find out that my battery was dying. Oh well that was not going to spoil my day. Phluph pointed out how long my other skirt was and I might trip over it, so maybe I should take it off. I told him it was the same skirt I had been wearing for five years and had put my foot through one of the holes when I had put it that morning. So off went the skirt. I should have known something was going to happen but off goes the skirt and we are off to buy tickets.

We saw the show and the Queen was beautiful. She worked her way up to become Queen at the Festival, I remember when she would walk around and throw water on the ground to keep the dust down then she would play in the mud. She really is a good actress and makes a lovely Queen. I was happy to tell the people standing next to me this story because they said "It must be nice to be Queen", she worked hard and years for that job and does so regally.

So off phluph and I go, first stop essential oils. I got some more and another perfume bottle, now I have three and think that is enough considering I have about 75 oils. Kids and my friends love smelling my little box of oils. Next stop to get gifts for Christmas and a couple of birthdays. So we went to the beginning and I saw the person I wanted, he makes some of the best Swarski (?) Crystal jewelry. I told him about the first trip this year how the nice lady took five dollars off my crystal necklace because the crystal was discontinued. He looked real close at what I was wearing and a sour look crossed his face and he said "Yeah that is a real Swarski Crystal." I bought a couple of necklaces and was buying earrings when he said "You buy another pair and you get one for free. That's better than saving five dollars." So I did, it was not hard considering I only had to buy one more pair and these are all basically gifts. So with some good oils and gifts bought I was already feeling better, it was time for a beer.

After the beer and listening to some very good music, I bought the bands CDs (Coal Black Rose) I had heard them sing and play the first time I went. I forgot to mention that I brought Mitch, he is the Dragon Puppet that I bought the first time. He was going to photo bomb some pictures but after finding out I did not have the battery we would just bring him out and play. Phluph also got some really good Beef Jerky and Bacon Jerky, it was next to the place that had the beer and the band. So with phluph, Mitch and myself we were off to do whatever the hell we wanted.

Well wearing a brand new outfit I was not looking for anything else. I looked good, I like my leather belt with the brass rings connecting them. It is what makes it different and also very heavy. So as phluph and I are looking about he sees something very cute and nice in leather. What harm would it take to look? The skirts were all different lengths and some had a matching belt with pockets that actually work. The skirt was a lighter green and the purple was different, put together with rivets and the belt was made the same way with all kinds of metals. I could not walk away, it was just too cute and an outfit all by itself if I got the top that day as well. I did not get the top, remember how long it takes to get into my bodice I was not going to take it off after all the trouble I had gone too these last two trips to the festival. So I traded in my belt for over fifteen pounds worth of leather. Have I mentioned how good I looked?

I did do something that had never been done before, I know how unusual for me but when I got to the Fairy Dust place I challenged the girl out front to a fight. I pulled out my wand and she said "Now close your eyes and mouth." I knew it would not be a good fight but I did sparkle and bought more dust along with having three bottles refilled. I somehow still do not have enough to go around. The second girl understood the challenge and nailed me really good, my wand got clogged up so I left some purple stripes down her. It was fun, we were both covered and then she asked me if I wanted her to refill my wand. I laughed and said no because it was my challenge. It was FUN!

After the fight and another beer at one point in time, I decided it was time to go. I was starting to feel tired and knew I could not make it to some of the places I always go. So after a few hours we left. As we were leaving my phone rang and it was my girlfriend. Mom was getting up and it was not even two o'clock, I was feeling terrible. It was the very first time in all these years of taking care of mom my face was not the first face she saw. I tried to talk to her on my friends phone but talking to a totally confused deaf person  on a cell phone is like trying to communicate with mud. She did not understand at all but my girlfriend said not to worry. I was just a little bummed out because we pass two Cider Mills on the way home and I wanted doughnuts but decided it was best just to get home. When I called again my friend realized we were on our way home and insisted that I stop for a drink. It took everything to stop for that drink, I had left my mom alone and now she was awake and... I stopped and had a drink and a half.

When I got home my girlfriend was impressed with my new outfit again. Mom told me how nice I looked and then I got out of the thing and put on a dress that weighed about three ounces. What a relief that was, but old injuries start hurting more when you looked as good as I did. So I was and still am in pain. I had a great time, I looked great and I know I still do not have enough Fairy Dust.

On Sunday mom said she was just too exhausted and wanted me to stay home. So I called my brother and told him about me going to the Festival. He already figured that out, when he had called the day before and Lori answered. I did return his call but he did not return mine. So Sunday mom is too exhausted but still would like to see her son. So I called him up and said "Mom still wants to see you today. Could you pick her up a Jelly Doughnut? But call first before you come over." He said "Okay", but for some reason at ten after two he came knocking on the door without calling. When I told him mom was still in bed he walked off the porch saying "Have her give me a call when she gets up." Forty minutes later I am leaving a message on his voice mail, an hour later he picked up. He did not even bother to return his own mother's phone call. Considering he did not even know he had the day off if kind of pissed me off, my girlfriend just shook her head. She had been trying to explain some things to me about my family but the words "No shit" came out of her mouth too many times.

I almost had the weekend off. I really was feeling lousy on Sunday with entertaining and wearing that outfit but we need milk and groceries. If mom had not asked me to stay home I would have gone out just to get those few things but now will play around with the neighbor's this week and see who can come over for a little bit while I get us some milk and other things. We are not going to starve I have restocked since the power outage. At the very least we have Butter Pecan and Caramel Swirl with Chocolate bits, we will survive. My brother just talked to mom on the phone so his visit is over for the week. It is my fault for not going out on Sunday he will not give me another day even though it was mom's choice that I stay home. Tonight it will be Sausage Biscuits for dinner tonight thanks to Jimmy Dean.

All in all we had a very good time. I am still exhausted and mom is as well. One more thing, mom's new chair arrived. It is power so I can raise her feet two inches or lie her back like it is a bed. She is still getting use to getting in and out of it because of the size. She has not had a problem yet falling asleep in it so I know I made a good choice. Now to get her to skooch back a little further so I don't have to pick her up because that hurts.

Sorry about not having any pictures to improve a man's eyesight but I do have pictures I did not post from my first visit. Thank you everyone for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers that I got to go one more time I appreciate it more than any Journal can say. Other people just know the Fairy Dust will come before Christmas I promise.
  • Listening to: Coal Black Rose
  • Reading: Bubba and the Twelve Deadly Days
  • Watching: Scorpion
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: Lucky Charms (chocolate) Marshmallows
  • Drinking: Something Homemade
Thanks to my friend Lori

I was able to make to the Festival this Labor Day weekend. My friend spent the night with me so she could take care of mom the next day. I was psyched to go because I knew I was getting a new outfit. The morning started out as my usual mornings do when I have some (and I hate using that "P" word because my Plans always fail) and I was almost close on this one.

When my girlfriend got up to see me off she knocked over my mom's milk and water from the night before. I will admit I thought of putting them in the kitchen but with her air mattress so close to the table I knew no one could walk over that way. My bad, she did something and knocked them both over and as I was cleaning up the mess phluph arrived on time. He knew that I really wanted to see the opening act this time for several different reasons. So as he arrived I sent him back out to get some cigarettes for my girlfriend. Another sad thing about this day was it was the first time in over 30 years of going that mom did not see me off, she barely woke up to say good bye but I shook that off.

The drive seemed extra fast that day and we arrived early enough to catch the majority of the show before the doors open. I love the Fire Breather he has such a good sense of humour and he does try to get the crowd up for a day of fun when others are late for their part of the show. So I enjoyed the bickering between Fire Breather and Royalty and then came the Queen. Hazzah it was a strange and fast performance but I did enjoy myself, the cannon even went off on time but when I yelled "BOOM" it scared the person in front of me.

So off we were to the Festival, it was a beautiful day and only sprinkled the slightest bit at times. My first stop as usual was Global Scents it is the only Essential Oils I have ever worn. I have had other perfumes and oils but 30 years of shopping at this place cannot make me wrong. I started out with their bath salts they have such a pretty array of colours and smell wonderful. Then one year I did not use them up as fast and decided to buy some oils and there started my collection of some of the most wonderful smells and some that are not so wonderful but mixed properly becomes something different. Any way I had so many oils that the woman told me to look around and come back, I was smart enough to write down the oils I wanted on paper. So off to the Puppet Store, there are pictures of them as well that I will have to get up in my gallery. I could not help but laugh as these two women with puppets in hand told me to come inside. I started to laugh and said that all their mouths were moving. Then it was explained to me that she was just helping out and the whole time she is talking to me the puppets mouth is moving at the same time. It was just too funny and the puppets were cute. I almost bought a red puppet with big eyes, that is until she brought out the dragon one and I immediately said that was what I wanted. It is very cute and we get along great so I am glad I got the dragon and then back to the oils.

Now to find me something to wear. In one of my picture there are two fair Maidens (one is wearing cat ears) that is where I got my skirt. Then we went shopping for a little bit more and I picked up a few things for presents. Then I saw it, the bodice of my dreams it looked great and did not have the over sleeve that bothers my shoulders. First I had to get the green chamois so I did not chaff my skin then came the bodice. I grabbed a size twelve, I knew I had lost weight but was being realistic. When she told me to hoist my girls, the person standing next to her said "She can reach her whole hand in I better get the next size smaller." Now this would normally bring a smile to my face but I was pretty well bound up but the woman said it was getting too close in the back so I thought she better get the smaller one because I cannot get a new outfit next year. So into the smaller bodice I go. First they snapped the front, that was the part I liked about this bodice was once you got it to fit you only had to snap it up to put it on. After she was done and I could hardly breathe I admired my new outfit. The only thing going through my mind was I was wearing twice as many clothes as when I arrived and now I couldn't breathe. It was okay to begin with but did not loosen up with walking so I told phluph that we had to cut our stay short.

We did get the Fairy Dust and some other things but not near as much as I would have liked because I could not breathe at all. We had fun and spent money, the colours people we wearing were vibrant and I really did have a good time even if I could not breathe.

Finally I got home and phluph being the gentleman that he is tried to release me and couldn't then my friend joined in as well. I kept saying to try to untie one of the laces but I guess they were double knotted. Finally after a long struggle with the middle snap I was released and could breathe again.

My girlfriend was great, she was a little disappointed that I did not stay away longer but I told her the next time I go I will have those laces loosened enough to almost breath and still look good. I would be more than happy to give her another shot at taking care of mom. I did not see some of my favorite people but I did look really good. I am also thinking of getting into a Fairy Dust fight the next time I go because those girls deserve it as well.

All in all a good day was had. Mom finally got up and my friend spent one more night. I did not cook but did show her some of my special places to order from, not everyone wants pizza some of us would like Beans and Rice with some Corn Bread. Now to put the outfit away and start just having fun with having mom around. She did have some fun this weekend, though my girlfriend finally figured out mom just closes her eyes at times and is not asleep. Mom can be tricky that way, I would Fairy Dust her if I did not have to clean it up afterwards. Right now we are still finding it on our faces and pillows. That stuff is here to stay but in a good way, plus I bought four more colours and keep one by my bed. So burglars beware, I may not have a weapon but you explain to the Police how come you sparkle so nicely. 

  • Listening to: John Denver
  • Reading: Bubba and the Twelve Deadly Days
  • Watching: Nope
  • Playing: Island Experiment
  • Eating: -----
  • Drinking: Pepsi
For those of you who actually read my journal here is the latest updates in my life. Obviously the month from Hell of July decided to follow me into August. I just never had a chance to recover from all the deaths in July. The one that hit me the hardest was the person I had been looking for ever since I go Wi Fi. I never would pay to get her address and tried several ways of trying to find out through the phone where she might live but July was a cruel month and for the first time it came up with something new. It came up with her Obituary. She had not even lived two months after her 48th birthday. We grew apart when she went to College and I went to work.

I know I should have tried to have visited her and we just drifted apart when she did not like the boy friend I had chosen at the time. I figured I would always have a day with her and we would laugh about all the time that had been wasted. We always had a good time when we were together and would go to Museums and Greenfield Village. This is the only person in the world who could get me to go to a place that has no electricity and served warm Cider the day after Christmas because it was her Birthday. I of course did not want the Cider and kept insisting as I took the Sugar Cookie that it was not a good idea. The cookie was great unfortunately the Cider had an accident. I made it look like a dog did it and that is all I will say. We had a great day that day ending further away for dinner because we had a coupon. I cannot tell you how many miles we traveled in our friendship but I am so glad I remember those good memories. Denise you have really pissed me off but I guess you got the last laugh.

So in July I think I knew about three or four people who died and I cannot even tell you the amount of pets that passed last month as well. I did save my front walk from getting ripped out and replaced on the same day that mom said she wanted to go to emergency. Well the cement has not been replaced but I know they had to have pulled a permit because the Twp. Supervisor only checks to see if any work has started and has not sent out the hounds to charge me for crappy cement. So I do not know when but i will be getting new cement at one point in time this year and the good news for that is I am getting a new drive way. One that should have been replace when I was a kid has risen even more do to the storms these last few weeks. So it will be nice to be able to actually walk on my drive way with heels or in bare feet and not worry about the damage.

August is kicking my butt as well but with a better sense of humour thanks to Bubbles the penguin. Another old family friend has died. Mom's Physical Therapy is going about as well as expected, even as the Therapist was asking if I wanted to continue mom's therapy he was shaking his head no. I knew what he meant, mom is not going to get any better. This is it for her so we do this for two more weeks and then he will miss us because not all his patients sing "Marching to Pretoria" in order to get her to do her exercises. He will also miss out on the fresh cucumbers and tomatoes I have been giving him because mom can only eat so many.

Mom's sleeping has also become so unpredictable I never know when I am going to be able to type anything. If she falls asleep with the TV on I can type just about anything. When she is trying to get some rest and the TV is turned down then every little noise wakes her up. NOT the big noises like the kids playing basketball behind her head and the ball ricocheting off the houses. It is me typing or putting my cup down. It is me clearing my throat and her eyes pop open in such surprise that I have gone back to writing by hand. I turn the light off but colour by the light of the TV. I just got a new LED lamp that shines to beat the band and does not disturb mom so I can go back to reading books as well. I just cannot get onto dA as much as I would like and I miss my friends a lot.

You are the ones who have helped keep me insane for so long that the loneliness at times is unbearable but I will still do anything to help mom. I do not know what has happened to her Dr. he has not shown up since I have been receiving this other help so everyone should know how impressed I am with him right now. I might be getting some help where I can go out as long as I can pay the price. I finally got a Social Worker who is trying to get me help instead of handing me all the paperwork and saying good bye so I might have a little hope for him. He is a nice person no matter what. I will miss them both when they are finished helping mom. Mom will be happy though and I guess that is what counts the most. Me right now I am just still feeling a little tired and lost.

I will end this hopefully on a high note and that is that I am suppose to be going to the Renaissance Festival this weekend. I am also getting a new outfit as well because I have lost weight and need a new one for the more elegant look of a Princess. I will be going as a Belly Dancer/Gypsy this weekend and will be getting at least a new top for that outfit as well. Most of all I will be getting oils, fairy dust and gifts for me and friends. When it comes to the Festival I always come first. I have spoiled myself that way. So here's hoping that things get better next month and having fun this weekend.
  • Listening to: Menagerie
  • Reading: Bubba and the Twelve Deadly Days
  • Watching: NEWS
  • Playing: Spirit Stone
  • Eating: Cinnamon Roll
  • Drinking: I Wish

Thanks to :iconphluph:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY devianART on turning 14

Because I gave up my life to become my mother's caretaker, I would never be the deviant I am today if it were not for phluph. I had been taking care of my mom for a year and he noticed that I was not reading as much but I was colouring a LOT and often. He also noticed that I was not talking to anyone and I was not getting out to socialize so he brought deviantART to me.

I was colouring Knot work pieces hand drawn from the Renaissance Festival. Unfortunately I never submitted any because of the paper being too long. I also was doing what I like to call my Lines and Designs and this was one of the first pieces I submitted.
I Like Color by Dygyt-AliceBack then I really had no idea what deviantART was about and after posting this and a couple of other pieces, I thought I was not good enough for dA. It had never occurred to me that I had to develop a following. I thought that someone would comment on at least my first few submissions. Then I found the Knotters and knew I would be welcomed into their group. Then I found a couple of other people and followed them as well. The next thing I knew I was also submitting my Photos, it seemed that besides me others enjoyed my point of view when taking a picture. Gnarly Tree by Dygyt-Alice I do love that gnarly tree and with it came more comments and a couple of more followers. It was also a great trip to Hawaii and the first time I shared anything so personal with people I had never met.

Then I decided to write a Critique for :iconglendawolfie: her work was magical too me and I decided that I would write a Critique. I had always left more than two sentences for a comment, how hard could it be? After I was done with my first Critique I was told I need about 73 more words. Oops, okay I have always been good with words so I started over again and this time I told how the piece of art effected me. I saw a whole story in her art and I wrote exactly what the work of art told me to. Here is a link to that first Critique…. Here is the work of art that inspired me  Sweet Store of Inspiration by GlendaWolfie I did get better and art got more magical. It wound up that in my first four month on dA I had done sixteen Critiques from my first of :iconglendawolfie: to my last for :iconinsomniadoodles: for this awesome bottle Potion of Greater Awesomeness : Gift : Dygyt-Alice by InsomniaDoodles. I do not do them as often as I would like but it is something I never would have had a chance to experience to have ever done had it not been for my friend and getting me out of my head and into others. It has been a great experience to tell the stories that I saw in others works. I know that is not how a critique is suppose to be but I could never help myself and no one ever declined one of them. With mom getting sicker though I had to give up some deviant things as well.

On the brightest side of being a deviant though is the people you get a chance to meet from :iconlady-compassion: to :icona-h-ward: some of the brightest spots in my day is seeing their Avatar. What I love about these two is you never know what you are going to get, some days it can be the silliest conversations and other days I receive a gift like this Abbygale by A-H-Ward. Where but on deviant art can you open up your mail and receive such a beautiful gift. She has a wonderful imagination because it was the bird she imagined after reading this story…. Which is another thing that would never had been accomplished had my friend not gotten me hooked on this wonderful sight. I do have to thank,, and ragebetweenthesheets.deviantar…. Thanks to everyone I did not have time to mention as well, you have made these last few years taking care of my mom so much easier. Oops I almost forgot to thank a person who came to my rescue during a contest I threw you have helped me out immensely and I will never throw another Contest without you by my side.

Oh and I still colour I will never give that up I just do it in a different way sometimes, like this one Something Orange for Dax--Mandala by Dygyt-Alice and I still like drawing my lines and designs Long Hallway by Dygyt-Alice. All I have left to say is Happy Birthday deviantART for the fourteenth year Happy Birthday to You by Dygyt-Alice.

One side note and that is we will always miss :iconkram666: I hope you are rockin' the heavens.
Live and Learn

July is usually a month that is celebrated by me. My father died on the Fourth of July and he loved that day so very much. I use to go on vacation with a friend during this month as well because it was his birthday. We would go anywhere from an Amusement Park to a place in New Jersey where you mine your own rocks that glow under a special light. Yes Hawaii is nice at this time of the year as well along with a Casino or two. Just driving from place to place could be an adventure all by itself. Many good memories have come from the month of July and that is why this one will hopefully be forgotten one year.

Almost from the very beginning it was not a good month. Then when the Fourth came and I sat in the closed Florist Parking lot crying because it was the very first year with no flowers in memory of my dad. I thought this is not going to be a good month.

When I got my friend to go out and get a new sofa, I never guessed that would be the best part of the month. On that day he informed me his mother only had ten days to live and you friends came through better for my friend then my own family. My sister in law, more or less informed me that if I could have his mother die on her schedule things would be easier. She did not say it that way but hinted enough that I actually had to call other friends in advance to see if I could be there for my friend. Then she never even called during that week to find out how his mother was doing.

Now I know why my nieces have only visited there grandma four times this year and how come my truck could sit in the drive way for over a month. As long as they do not need any help I am not really a family member. Somehow these people think I do not have a job by taking care of my mom but none of them could visit with her for a couple of hours while I needed help ONCE this year.

So my friend's mother dies and she did have a good long life. It was both a happy and sad situation at the same time. Then I finally found a friend I have been looking for. She was one of my best friends in High School but then she went off to College and I stayed home and got a job and partied. We lost touch but I always knew there would come the day that we would see each other and start talking like it was just yesterday. After all these years of looking up her name I finally found what I was not looking for. It was her Obituary, it seems she died Feb 11, 2009. She did not even make to two months after her 48th birthday.

All these years I have been searching for her and the only thing that kept popping up was if I paid a certain amount they would give me her address. This is the first time this information appeared when I typed in her name otherwise I would have known sooner. Then there was another friend whose father had died almost in that very same week. It was really a lot more than I thought I could take but as we all know I got through it because I am writing this.

Now I have also written my oldest nieces telling them to either call their Grandma up and tell her "I never want to see you again" or start coming over. Considering they have graduated or are in College I did not think one should have to write such a note to the girls but they have proven me wrong. I know they do not think what I do is job and get no respect from them so in writing these notes I did not mention anything about me. It was all about "How can live only two blocks away and visit you Grandma 4 times?" Seriously these are adults but then again they think I don't do anything all day long except sit on my butt and watch TV with their Grandma and yes that is part of the job. It is call communications and touching along with singing and telling stories.

Mom is getting worse of course every day she's a getting slower. I moved her chair so she would be closer to me and cannot go back to bed until ten or eleven at night. So we still sing and laugh but the best is when I make her made and she threatens to kick me in my ass. I love that sassyness about her and will miss it when she is gone. At least she knows she is loved while she is still on this Earth but I do not know if I can handle another month like this.

I did not even get to the good part where I got the new vacuum cleaner and...

Next months journal will having drinking, driving with possibility of drugs. Just so you know this one will not be up for long. It is too depressing to even reread myself. Sorry I had to get it out of my system and when I write just for myself it does not have the same effect.
  • Listening to: Johnny Cash
  • Reading: How to Grow Romaine Lettuce
  • Watching: More like listening
  • Playing: Solitaire
  • Eating: -----
  • Drinking: Fizzy Water
My deviant friends and guests are the best. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. Trudee did die last week and I had the good fortune of having some friends stop by so I could help my friend :iconphluph: out.

He is the one who made me a deviant and told me that I would feel better if I had an account and he was right. Thank you everyone you have no idea how much your kind words meant to me and phluph as well.

He too does not understand my family so he always makes sure that I have taken my medication if they are coming over for the day so I can go out. He makes sure that I at least have some kind of fun on my three or four hours off and I think the least I could do for him is be there for him and his family.

Several of you said if you lived closer you would have helped and once again those words mean a lot to a Care Taker. So I thank you once again for your kindness and generosity, from phluph and Dygyt Alice.
  • Listening to: Stoned Clovers
  • Reading: How to Kill (weeds?)
  • Watching: Yep but it is not on
  • Playing: Mind Games
  • Eating: Hash
  • Drinking: Coke
A Story of No Help for Me

It was found out the last Thursday in June that my friends mom only had ten days to live. Then the following Monday I was informed that she did not look good. Considering I take care of my mom I thought it prudent that I should call some people to see if they could help me out.

I of course have no idea when they will be needed so I was getting a hold of family and friends. The first person I called was my Sister in Law that lives two blocks away. I have not asked her for any kind of help since the beginning of the year and we were never able to get together. Then after having my car sit in my drive way for over a month with a flat tire while they drove mom's borrowed car everywhere and being told to wait for my brother to come in from out of town to help me get my tire fixed... It was the final straw. I decided to ask these people for nothing for myself only for mom and then I broke my own rule for a friend.

So Monday comes and goes without a return phone call. I did call another friend and she said she would help me out no matter what. That made me feel good and a little stronger. So on Tuesday I called her up again only to leave another message. This time she did call me back, it seems she had to take the dog in for a shot but no reason as to why she did not return my phone call from the day before.

She said she felt really bad for my friend but had to check her schedule. With her having to drive one of her kids to work and some other B.S. I have to admit I quit listening to her at times, thinking "You've had mom's car for over four years. A somewhat friend's mother is dying and you can help me out if she dies on your schedule." I finally said "Do you want me to call other people and see if they can help me?" her reply was "yeah if you don't mind."

This woman is 97 years old she has lead a good life and has had Alzheimer's for a long time as well. I am not asking for them to come over and spend the night. I am just trying to make sure that going to a Memorial Lunch or Dinner I can be there for my friend and not have it count as my day off.

I swear my Sis in Law said I will have your brother call you tonight. What the Hell does that mean? I don't want him to come over what about one of those daughters' that say they love Grandma so much if I have to go out at night. If these people could possibly do less I would be amazed at how they could figure it out. Mom's Granddaughters' have visited her four times this year. They live over just a little over two blocks away and the youngest is going to be seventeen. The oldest one has still not apologized to me for telling me on Mother's Day "I don't like the way you're treating Grandma" only to find out that she did not know she was telling me to invite my abuser into MY house to visit mom. That was on her third visit and when she left she called me Aunt and used my real name instead of just saying Fuck You. What she seems not to realize is that she insulted her Grandparents for giving me that name. If she wanted to hurt me she should have used my nickname. Last time she visited she called me by no name. That was on mom's birthday so I let her get away with it but next time if she cannot say my name she will not be allowed in my house even to see her Grandma for the fifth time. At the age of 23 and wanting to be a teacher I hope she taught herself a couple of lessons. Always let a person stick up for themselves otherwise it is a one sided childish fight. Also never use a person's real name to make a point when saying something like "Maybe you should try it Aunt Col le een." How she got three syllables in my name I will never know but now she cannot even talk to me or look me in the eyes. I was the perfect daughter for my mom's birthday but now that is over with, no one gets treated nicely by me anymore unless they deserve it.

It is obvious that mom was right that they really do not care about us, I hate it when she is right. I wanted to prove her wrong so badly but with not even being able to get help so I can go and help a friend I will admit defeat. My family sucks, they go to Church every Sunday but cannot even call there Grandma or Mother in Law once a week. No wonder mom said she has given up on them and just wanted them to know how she felt before she died. No one has made any special attempts to tell mom she was wrong and that just makes her all the more right. She has temporary memory loss people she is not stupid.

God Bless my Father and him not having to witness this mess. It will be nineteen years this Fourth of July that he died. I ordered some Red, White and Blue flowers for the house. I can no longer go to the cemetery by myself, it is too hot and depressing to be alone on that day. One day when everyone is crying I will be writing a book of Fiction about the way Fictional People can treat a Caregiver. I will also write some poetry and fun stories because that is what mom likes best. She just made me promise that I would write a book after she dies. She thinks I am talented when it comes to words. I get that from both sides of the family so I am lucky in that way. My punctuation might suck but if I am writing a book I will have a proofreader. It could be someone from deviantART as well considering one of my fourteen year old watcher's told me about my punctuation in my first story, I would hire her for my series if she was available. Then there is always James, a great writer and teacher. If I hire him I would do it in a heartbeat that man is so articulate it is almost embarrassing.

So from one person dying to the celebration of another person's death hopefully we will be able to join these two advents together and make some joyful noise on behalf of both people. They both loved to laugh and tell dirty jokes, she cracked me up with her dirty jokes from 1940. What can I say I bring out the best or worst in people there seems to be no middle ground for me anymore. I know this ramble a little but I had to get it out of my system. To be told to find someone else because of conflict in scheduling is one of the meanest things to say to someone when they are looking for help because someone is dying. Where is the love for mom as well? Thank God we laugh every day otherwise mom and I would be two highly depressed people.

Thanks to my deviant friends if it were not for you I would only have about three people to talk to in real life. I am also so very glad that mom and I get along so well that we still can laugh. I make sure we laugh til this very day at least six genuine laughs a day. Yes sometimes it is at the expense of this family but how can you not make jokes about people who borrow a car for four years and never say thank you. Or the little girl so mad at me for not letting my sexual abuser visit, only for her not to visit either. Does she not see she can come over and treats her Grandma this way, so she gets mad at me and never shows up for a month because it is her Grandma's Birthday. Guess what? Your best gift would have been an apology to her for ignoring her all these years. Live two blocks away and have only seen her four times. I am just glad mom said she did not want a Funeral because I would not be able to live through those girls crying when they never did anything to help. Thank you once again to my deviant friends, keeping this inside makes me want to yell and cry at the same time. If ignorance is bliss than I understand why these girls can be so happy.

My friend's mother wound up with her last laugh today. May she Rest in Peace for at least a day. Then she will start telling stories to anyone who will listen. You will be missed Trudee. My friend's from Church have got my back and will take care of mom. Thank you to all my deviant friends for reading this, I am sure I will be changing it soon considering everything has been taken care of for the moment.
  • Listening to: Stoned Clovers
  • Reading: How to Kill (weeds?)
  • Watching: Yep but it is not on
  • Playing: Mind Games
  • Eating: Hash
  • Drinking: Coke