Honest I am Trying

For those of you who actually read my journal here is the latest updates in my life. Obviously the month from Hell of July decided to follow me into August. I just never had a chance to recover from all the deaths in July. The one that hit me the hardest was the person I had been looking for ever since I go Wi Fi. I never would pay to get her address and tried several ways of trying to find out through the phone where she might live but July was a cruel month and for the first time it came up with something new. It came up with her Obituary. She had not even lived two months after her 48th birthday. We grew apart when she went to College and I went to work.

I know I should have tried to have visited her and we just drifted apart when she did not like the boy friend I had chosen at the time. I figured I would always have a day with her and we would laugh about all the time that had been wasted. We always had a good time when we were together and would go to Museums and Greenfield Village. This is the only person in the world who could get me to go to a place that has no electricity and served warm Cider the day after Christmas because it was her Birthday. I of course did not want the Cider and kept insisting as I took the Sugar Cookie that it was not a good idea. The cookie was great unfortunately the Cider had an accident. I made it look like a dog did it and that is all I will say. We had a great day that day ending further away for dinner because we had a coupon. I cannot tell you how many miles we traveled in our friendship but I am so glad I remember those good memories. Denise you have really pissed me off but I guess you got the last laugh.

So in July I think I knew about three or four people who died and I cannot even tell you the amount of pets that passed last month as well. I did save my front walk from getting ripped out and replaced on the same day that mom said she wanted to go to emergency. Well the cement has not been replaced but I know they had to have pulled a permit because the Twp. Supervisor only checks to see if any work has started and has not sent out the hounds to charge me for crappy cement. So I do not know when but i will be getting new cement at one point in time this year and the good news for that is I am getting a new drive way. One that should have been replace when I was a kid has risen even more do to the storms these last few weeks. So it will be nice to be able to actually walk on my drive way with heels or in bare feet and not worry about the damage.

August is kicking my butt as well but with a better sense of humour thanks to Bubbles the penguin. Another old family friend has died. Mom's Physical Therapy is going about as well as expected, even as the Therapist was asking if I wanted to continue mom's therapy he was shaking his head no. I knew what he meant, mom is not going to get any better. This is it for her so we do this for two more weeks and then he will miss us because not all his patients sing "Marching to Pretoria" in order to get her to do her exercises. He will also miss out on the fresh cucumbers and tomatoes I have been giving him because mom can only eat so many.

Mom's sleeping has also become so unpredictable I never know when I am going to be able to type anything. If she falls asleep with the TV on I can type just about anything. When she is trying to get some rest and the TV is turned down then every little noise wakes her up. NOT the big noises like the kids playing basketball behind her head and the ball ricocheting off the houses. It is me typing or putting my cup down. It is me clearing my throat and her eyes pop open in such surprise that I have gone back to writing by hand. I turn the light off but colour by the light of the TV. I just got a new LED lamp that shines to beat the band and does not disturb mom so I can go back to reading books as well. I just cannot get onto dA as much as I would like and I miss my friends a lot.

You are the ones who have helped keep me insane for so long that the loneliness at times is unbearable but I will still do anything to help mom. I do not know what has happened to her Dr. he has not shown up since I have been receiving this other help so everyone should know how impressed I am with him right now. I might be getting some help where I can go out as long as I can pay the price. I finally got a Social Worker who is trying to get me help instead of handing me all the paperwork and saying good bye so I might have a little hope for him. He is a nice person no matter what. I will miss them both when they are finished helping mom. Mom will be happy though and I guess that is what counts the most. Me right now I am just still feeling a little tired and lost.

I will end this hopefully on a high note and that is that I am suppose to be going to the Renaissance Festival this weekend. I am also getting a new outfit as well because I have lost weight and need a new one for the more elegant look of a Princess. I will be going as a Belly Dancer/Gypsy this weekend and will be getting at least a new top for that outfit as well. Most of all I will be getting oils, fairy dust and gifts for me and friends. When it comes to the Festival I always come first. I have spoiled myself that way. So here's hoping that things get better next month and having fun this weekend.